I feel Lost

 I feel lost, confused. I’m heartbroken, the girl I always wanted has come in my life, and I got to know her. I really wanted to date her, but the day I asked her, she said she was in love! I started wait cuz I'm selfish, I was her friend. We were actually very great friends. Then, her boyfriend left her. I wanted to ask her out at that moment, however I knew she would want time to rest, thus I didn’t ask her. I gave her weeks, months. Then finally asked her, her response was very strange! She says she wants to but she can’t, that she can’t say yes, nevertheless she can’t say no. She said she wasn’t ready, I understood, but I was very confused. Now, she was dating someone else. At this point, I really wanted to give up, but I didn’t.

I try my best to say I love her, nonetheless they say, you can’t love someone if they don’t love you back. Well, I guess I just didn’t believe that. I thought to myself, “I waited such a long time for a girl like her, and I will do anything in my power to keep her safe and happy.” I don’t overhaul what other people think of her, I honestly think she’s the most beautiful, and the most amazing girl in the world. Again, I tell myself “I want her, and only her. No matter how much it hurts to know she doesn’t love me, I will try my best”

I don’t understand why she didn’t choose me, I try my best to make her smile, happy. I show her I love her. Show her I want to keep her heart safe from others that will break it, therefore that she will never have to go through what may leave scars on what she may need for the right person. I feel like I failed, but I don’t let that stop me. No matter what happens, I will always be there for her, to make sure she’s okay, to comfort her when I feel she needs.

Who knows, we may get together someday, maybe temporary, maybe forever. If we don’t, everything happens, or doesn’t happen for a reason, consequently I will always be her friend. I will always be there for her. She may not know this, but she is safe with me. She can fall, but I’ll catch her. As long as she chooses to stay with me. She will always have someone to talk to.

Every time I got a text message, call, I would rush to check my phone, hoping it’s from her, and when it was, I would catch myself smiling. If it weren’t her, I wouldn’t get sad, nor angry, but disappointed. I love talking to her. Even if she didn’t try to make me smile, I’d still smile. I make sure I’m able to text her back instantaneously I want to prove to her I care about her. I want her to feel that she is loved.

She never tried, something tells me she said she can’t because she wanted to wait longer, to see if the words I’m saying were true. If I would really would stay with her no matter what happened. If that’s the case, I will prove it to her and she must feel very bad. Significant I’m taking in a lot of pain, but knowing it’s best for her.

I had dreams about her several, if not many times. One of the dream(s), we actually ended up getting married. I don’t always recall my dream(s). When I do, It’s most likely something romantic. I guess you could say my big thing is romance.

They’re so many things I know about her, but I’m still learning more. She has many problems, but I still say she’s amazing, because she is in her own way. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her that, and I wonder if it’s because of something that happened in the past. Such as, being really attached to somebody, and left her. Which made her feel insecure about herself.

Guys don’t realize that one minor insult can hurt a girl so much, and she’ll never forget it. Things such as “You’re ugly!” she’ll believe forever. It takes telling a girl she’s beautiful a million times for her to believe it, and that’s only temporarily. When the truth is, every girl is beautiful. It just takes the precise guy to see that in them.

Thinking negatively really hurts, especially telling myself “She’ll never be yours, you lost.” It’s never a good thing to do that. The reason I always end up thinking like that because I’m hurt, I feel broken. It’s hard to keep yourself happy when you feel this way. The way I avoid thinking like that, is thinking the good way of it. Telling myself “Never give up, you’ll get something out of it” gives me the courage to keep trying and not give up.

I never really understood why she says she wants to date me but can’t. If you, personally are going through this. Do you ever tell yourself “As long as she is happy, I will be fine,”? In reality, I was just trying to make myself feel better, because I feel hopeless. I feel that I’m not good enough for her.

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